BookSmacked Banter

Today I Had To Slap Myself

It’s been about nine months since I started this blog. I have learned so so much, made so many great friends and discovered a ton of new books and new authors.

But it hasn’t gone smoothly. At times its been down right overwhelming. Some days I felt like walking away. Some days I still feel like walking away.

I started it because I wanted an outlet to rave, speak, talk, scream, shout about the books that I love because I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it that understood my passion. I mean really understand my passion.

Then it became about how many people I could reach, how big could my blog get. How could I get noticed. Why am I putting in hours and hours and hours of my own free time when barely anyone interacts or even sees my posts. Whether its here on the blog, facebook, twitter wherever.

Then it was maybe what I would call “Blog Envy”. I’m human it happens. I would look at the big blogs, the ones that got the books that everyone wanted. A lot of them do giveaways galore. How do they afford to do that, what am I missing, what is the secret. How do I as a small blog even stand a chance.

I try to help as many authors as I can, but I can only do so much. I have found so many wonderful Author friends. They are great they support me no matter what and I will support them no matter what. When I can in anyway that I can.

In the back of my mind though, I think I wish, I wish one of the big names would acknowledge me. Would give me a chance.

And then it happened an author one that was quite popular, quite famous a NYT BestSeller. She took a chance on me, she trusted me, my small little blog to read and review her book before its release. I’m talking 17 weeks on the NYT BestSelling author. An Author that I idolized. An Author that is part of the reason I fell in love with book. In fact her book was the second book I ever purchased in my life. I was on cloud nine. I was OMG I was noticed finally.

Don’t get me wrong it was definitely a special moment, but I realized that I got away from the very reason that I started the blog to begin with. It wasn’t to get noticed by the “Big Authors” although that is completely awesome and something I will cherish. It wasn’t to be a “Big Well Known Blog”. Although I would be completely honored if people looked to me for book recommendations.  Somewhere along the way I let myself become the snob.

The reason I started this blog was to talk to others and share my love of books. To connect with readers and share our stories, our emotions over the books that we loved together.

So as I sit here and type this I tell myself STOP !!! I got consumed by the need to be successful but not only that I defined what success looked like all wrong. I need to get back to why I started this before my head gets big and I can’t go back. Before I permanently become that “Snob”. Before I lose myself and I become so overwhelmed with “being the BIG BLOG” that I start hating being a blogger because its too overwhelming. Or I get upset because I didn’t get recognized by that “Big Name Author”

That is not why I started this blog. So while it is a struggle. I won’t stop, and every once in awhile I will have to slap myself and remind myself why I started this.

This post is really a letter to myself, to remind myself why I am here.

 

 

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